Tuesday, May 22, 2012

On Initiating Change

Oof dah! I have a bit of news. I am interviewing for jobs in the Silicon Valley. This has always been part of "the plan", and I'm finally pulling the trigger. I have to admit, I am slightly overwhelmed. There are so many emotions, and I can't really make heads or tails of them. On one hand, I really love my team at Final Draft. I feel like I'm breaking up with a loving boyfriend who is so good to me. (Yes. It's very dramatic.)

IMG_1490 
My amazing, super-awesome, smart, supportive, funny team at Final Draft + Angie and Gypsy (the most photogenic dog)

I love living in Thousand Oaks. I have the coolest apartment (gas stove and lofted ceilings - what-what!) and friendly neighbors. I am familiar with a lot of cool places to hike and run around here. My favorite frozen yogurt shop, my favorite home improvement store, and my favorite grocery store are walking distance from my place. It seems silly to leave something so good. On the other hand, I know there are awesome companies up North. I know that I can find a place where I'll fit in again. And I would really like to stay (geographically) close to my brother.

IMG_1083 
Sitting at the top of the highest peak of Santa Monica Mountains - just another beautiful day in Southern California

All these feelings are layered on top of the "interview-panic". Technical interviews are incredibly stressful for me. The basic-HR-"tell me about yourself"interview is enough to twist my stomach into knots, not to mention an interview with brainteasers and coding questions. I cannot think of a worse feeling than being given a question, getting stuck, and hearing the person on the other end breathing into the telephone. My back starts sweating, and I just get more and more stuck. Then as soon as the interviewer helps me a little, I beat myself up over not having thought of that myself. Agh! I feel like this process is shortening my life by a decade.

Brrrr
At a gorgeous Southern California beach on a cloudy day

I know that moving up North is the right thing to do. It has always been my dream to work at a start up company and do something great, to "take risks and fail fast". I have to see this through. I know I'm not the best at what I do - not by a long shot, but I love working with a team that is supportive, that I'm not afraid to ask for help, that asks for my help (who knew I could have good ideas?!). They make me feel like I hung the moon when all I did was finish a feature, or write a macro for something that we all use. They're a tough act to follow.

I read this piece of advice at the beginning of this year: "You can have the life that you want." Not a day goes by without me recalling those encouraging words. I am definitely afraid of feeling lonely, of losing what community I have here, of feeling inferior to other developers; but I am more afraid of not, at least, taking a shot at it. 

2 comments :

  1. Ольга, давай в Пензу. Будешь работать программистом в каком-нибудь НИИМуМу за $300 в месяц и каждый год ездить в колхоз на пару месяцев. :-)

    ReplyDelete