O-o-oral Hygiene Regimen

1) Crest Glide Deep Clean (here)

I always start with flossing. I've thought long and hard about what to do first, brush or floss. Tried both. I've come to the conclusion that you have got to floss first. It is more satisfying that way. You get all this junk out of your teeth and actually feel like you're accomplishing something. Flossing after brushing is just not the same.

2) Crest Pro-Health - (buy this and never look back)

I don't know how many of you out there use Crest Pro Health, but I am convinced it is the only toothpaste that does it right. I've always wondered if toothpaste actually did anything for your teeth. I mean you brush your teeth at night, it tastes minty, you feel clean. Then you wake up in the morning and your breath smells like you've been licking a dog's ass all night. What if it's just as effective to brush without toothpaste? Well, Crest Pro Health convinced me otherwise. I know this stuff works because a half-hour after I brush my whole mouth sheds a layer of skin. I thought it was just me, then I looked online and there are a whole bunch of people it does that to. It's awesome. Also, morning breath after using this doesn't smell like Big Foot's dick.

3) Listerine Total Care (here)

I used to use ACT and I still prefer it, but it's too expensive. It's over 3 times as expensive as this stuff. And don't let the color fool you. It might be purple, but it doesn't taste like nasty grape flavor. And for the love of karelian bear puppies and surprised kittens, don't rinse your mouth with water after using mouthwash. It defeats the whole purpose!